


Before We Dwell On It

by justyrae



Series: You're Never Gonna Love Me [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a bit of a breakdown, but at least he's not on a rooftop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before We Dwell On It

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to everyone who wanted a part three
> 
> title from 'Love Love Love' by Of Monsters and Men

Neither Harry nor Liam had been sleeping well since the night Liam came to Harry's flat. Though because both of them refused to tell anyone about their sleeping troubles, nobody could help them.

Harry used his insomnia to catch up on shows he'd missed countless episodes of, read books he'd had on his shelves for ages, only being able to fall asleep during the wee hours of the morning. He only ever managed a few hours of sleep per night, but since they weren't on tour nobody noticed.

Liam tried to sleep. He begged and pleaded, laid in bed for hours in the dark just _willing_ himself to fall asleep even though he knew it wouldn't happen. So he stayed awake, eventually forcing himself to think about anything except the two things that constantly plagued his mind: his inability to sleep through the night, and Harry.

During the day, Harry occupied himself with talking to Louis or spending time with his mum and Gemma. After a few weeks, Louis stopped asking Harry if he'd spoken to Liam. He'd grown tired of the irritable snapping or uncharacteristic silence he'd receive from Harry, and he'd actually given up hope that Harry would ever tell him anything.

Zayn was on Liam duty, though he had the same luck as Louis was with Harry. Zayn wasn't as pushy as Louis, he let Liam do most of the talking although the topic of conversation never turned to Harry. He could tell that Liam was starting to crack, even more so than he had on that fateful night on the rooftop.

The only one who had little to no idea what was going on was Niall. He knew something was amiss when he spoke to Harry and Liam over the phone, but Niall wasn't the type to pry. He was more the type to let someone come to him when they were ready, and he was always ready to listen.

But neither Harry nor Liam wanted to talk. They wanted to forget.

And so they did. At least, they pushed the topic so far to the backs of their minds that they thought they did. With the distance between them during their break from touring, there wasn't anything to make them deal with their issues.

If the others were taking bets, they would've put everything on Liam cracking first. And if they had, they would've lost it all the night Harry confessed everything to one of the few people in his life he never thought he would've: Gemma.

She was crashing at his flat after a night out on the town, and she stumbled through the door at well past two in the morning. Gemma wasn't usually quiet while sober, and she was even less so while smashed. If Harry actually had been asleep he probably would've told her off for waking him up.

"Haz-" Gemma was on the floor, picking up the contents of her purse that she'd just scattered all over the floor when Harry came shuffling out of his room. "I was trying so hard-"

"Trying and failing," Harry quipped softly. Gemma snickered, pausing in her efforts to look up at him.

"You alright?" she said, her head feeling a bit clearer when she saw the look on Harry's face. "Hazza, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." Harry crouched down to help her, but stopped when she grasped his hands.

"Something's wrong." He looked at her and cursed himself as he felt his bottom lip quiver. "Tell me."

"Everything," he said aloud, barely above a whisper. "I've gone and fucked everything up."

Gemma immediately pulled him into a hug, stroking his hair and trying not to get her rings tangled in his curls as he started to cry into her shoulder. She tried to soothe him, whispering that everything was going to be fine and there was no way he could've fucked everything up.

"No," he said as he pulled away and furiously rubbed his eyes. "No, I have. It's all my fault."

"What is?" Harry shook his head and Gemma sighed in annoyance. "Harry, I can't help you fix it unless you tell me."

"You can't fix it," he mumbled.

"I can try." She sighed again as she racked her mind for possibilities. "Did you beat Louis at footie? I know he's quite competitive."

Harry choked out a laugh and shook his head.

"No, that was a long shot anyway. You're shit at footie."

Harry shoved her shoulder lightly and Gemma smiled.

"Let's see, is it Nick? Did he find some other young boy to pass his horrid fashion sense onto while you were gone?"

"Now you're just being mean," Harry said, a soft chuckle following.

"It's getting you to laugh, though." Gemma smiled again. "So I'm doing alright."

"Still wrong, though."

"Alright, well, give me a chance." Gemma huffed, tapping her fingers on the floor. "Well it couldn't possibly be Liam, because-"

Gemma paused as soon as she saw a flash of pain on Harry's face. She immediately took his hands in hers again and ducked her head, trying to make eye contact.

"Harry? Is it to do with Liam?"

Harry bit his lip, unable to form words without crying so he just nodded. Gemma sighed softly, mumbling a few apologies as she pulled him into her arms again.

"That prat," she grumbled as Harry buried his head in her shoulder. "I'll kill him."

"What for?" Harry said, pulling back. "It's not his fault."

"Well he did something, if you're this much of a mess."

"He didn't," Harry mumbled as he stared down at the floor. "It's my fault."

"What's your fault?" Gemma asked.

"H-He…he told me-" Harry took a deep breath, shaking as he exhaled. "He told me he loved me."

Gemma blinked. "Of course he loves you. You're mates, you all love each other."

"Not like that, Gem." Harry looked at her and it took a minute, because of her current mental state, but Harry could see the wheels turning. A look of realization spread across her face and her eyes immediately softened, her smile turning into a frown.

"Oh, Harry."

"That's not all," he said softly, starting to sniffle. He continued, telling her about the phone call he'd gotten from Liam while he was in the States and then about the night he'd returned.

Gemma listened intently, never once interrupting Harry as he spoke. He was grateful, for he wasn't sure if he'd be able to continue if he stopped. She remained silent for a few minutes after Harry finished, trying to wrap her head around all the information he'd just given her.

"So…if I'm understanding this…" Gemma paused, pressing her fist against her temple as she closed her eyes. "You told Liam no because you didn't want him getting hurt, yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry replied.

"Okay. But you love him. Like, really love him?" Gemma asked, opening her eyes to look at Harry while he answered.

"Yeah," he said in a much quieter voice.

"Then you're the prat." Harry groaned loudly as Gemma started to laugh.

"You're missing the point!" he huffed.

"Then explain it to me," she said as she stretched out on the floor, propping her head up with her arm to look at Harry. "I'm all ears."

"I just…I can't hurt him." Harry sighed. "It's _Liam_ , for chrissakes. I'd never forgive myself."

"So don't hurt him." Harry rolled his eyes.

"It's not that simple, Gem."

"Why not?" she asked, and Harry couldn't answer. "Seriously, why? Give me one good reason why it can't be that simple and I'll never ask you about it again."

"It doesn't even matter," Harry eventually mumbled. "I told you, he's given up on me."

"You know that's not true." Harry opened his mouth to protest but Gemma interrupted him. "Liam's trying to protect himself, same as you. You're trying to keep yourself from hurting him and you're still doing just that. Don't you think it'd be better to at least give it a shot and be happy?"

"But-"

"Come on, Harry. At least try and be happy. That way, even if it blows up in your face, you still have the good times to look back on."

"I don't want it to blow up in my face."

Gemma sighed softly, reaching out for Harry's hand and rubbing her thumb against it gently.

"Nobody ever does. And nobody ever knows anything until they try."

"I don't know if I can." Harry sighed heavily. "I don't know if he'd even want to anymore."

"You've got to try, Harry." Harry looked at her and she offered a small smile. "Even if Liam won't go for it, which I doubt would happen, at least you tried."

"Yeah," he whispered. Gemma laid her head down on her arm, her hand still stretched out to grasp Harry's and they stayed silent for a while.

"Now, d'you mind if I go to bed? I'm about to nod off on the bloody floor."

Harry laughed, the first genuine laugh he'd had in weeks, before he helped Gemma up off the floor. He followed her into the spare room, making sure she made it to the bed before he turned back around and headed for his own room.

"Sleep well, Haz," she called after him. He paused at the door and turned back to smile at her, staying silent as he pulled the door closed behind him.

Harry curled up in his bed, feeling calmer than he had in weeks. His eyelids were slowly starting to droop, but he felt that there was something he needed to do before he could let himself go to sleep.

He reached for his phone, wincing at the bright screen as he opened a new text to Liam.

_I miss you._

*

Liam was still awake when the text came through. The screen lit up his room and made his eyes hurt when he glanced at it. His throat went dry when he saw it was from Harry, and he briefly debated whether or not he actually wanted to read it.

Curiosity won in the end, and even though he'd spent the last few weeks pretending that nothing was wrong even though he was angry at Harry, those three small words made him smile.

But Liam didn't know what to say back. He didn't know what the text really meant, if it meant anything other than Harry was just lonely. Liam didn't want to let himself hope, because thus far hoping for anything had gotten him nowhere.

If this was Harry reaching out to him, Liam couldn't let that go. He couldn't just let the text go unanswered, and risk never getting Harry back at all.

In the end, Liam texted back four simple words.

_I miss you too._

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)


End file.
